Unremarkable
I grew up in Midvale, Utah. Smack dab in the middle of Suburbia. It wasn’t heaven & it wasn’t hell. It just was. That’s all. I had an ordinary childhood & I have nothing or no one to blame or thank for who I am. I wasn’t molested & I wasn’t abused. I wasn’t spoiled with too much affection or too many gifts. My parents weren’t strict or lenient. They expected us to tow the line just like they did. If there was one thing that rings true for my parents it’s that the only thing they expected out of life was the next day. Since I didn’t have anything to rebel against my only true hatred was for the mediocrity of their ordinary lives. I was terrified of my own mediocrity. I still am I suppose.
I struggled with being ordinary by doing things that might set me apart from the crowd. Not in a “look at me” sort of way mind you as I was just as terrified of making a spectacle of myself. Various eccentricities came & went. I found that it took a lot of effort to be crazy so I gave it up. I came to realise that nobody would ever be impressed by me. Nobody would ever give a damn. Not enough to want to know me. Not enough to want to be like me. Not enough to make a difference. Not enough to be remembered.
& so, I became invisible.
I struggled with being ordinary by doing things that might set me apart from the crowd. Not in a “look at me” sort of way mind you as I was just as terrified of making a spectacle of myself. Various eccentricities came & went. I found that it took a lot of effort to be crazy so I gave it up. I came to realise that nobody would ever be impressed by me. Nobody would ever give a damn. Not enough to want to know me. Not enough to want to be like me. Not enough to make a difference. Not enough to be remembered.
& so, I became invisible.
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