Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Unremarkable

I grew up in Midvale, Utah. Smack dab in the middle of Suburbia. It wasn’t heaven & it wasn’t hell. It just was. That’s all. I had an ordinary childhood & I have nothing or no one to blame or thank for who I am. I wasn’t molested & I wasn’t abused. I wasn’t spoiled with too much affection or too many gifts. My parents weren’t strict or lenient. They expected us to tow the line just like they did. If there was one thing that rings true for my parents it’s that the only thing they expected out of life was the next day. Since I didn’t have anything to rebel against my only true hatred was for the mediocrity of their ordinary lives. I was terrified of my own mediocrity. I still am I suppose.

I struggled with being ordinary by doing things that might set me apart from the crowd. Not in a “look at me” sort of way mind you as I was just as terrified of making a spectacle of myself. Various eccentricities came & went. I found that it took a lot of effort to be crazy so I gave it up. I came to realise that nobody would ever be impressed by me. Nobody would ever give a damn. Not enough to want to know me. Not enough to want to be like me. Not enough to make a difference. Not enough to be remembered.

& so, I became invisible.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Cuatro Anos

On this day in 2002 I was driving around one particular block in Salt Lake City trying to find a parking space & also the courage that had brought me to this moment. I think I circled that coffee shop 3 times before I managed to find both. I walked down the sidewalk & into the most wonderful, frightening, frustrating, joyful, insightful, exhilarating, exhausting, confusing & purposeful chapter of my life thus far.

I have my Joe to thank for that. He has allowed (& sometimes provoked) me to become the person that I knew I could be. He has embraced my insanity & has allowed me to enjoy his own. I could list one thousand & more of his qualities, but in the interest of subtlety & laziness I won’t bore anyone with that here. Suffice to say, a more perfect companion I could not imagine.

Thank you, Joe, for making the last 4 years matter & for joining me on my journey.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Dirt

A year ago November my Joe & I had a barn built to accommodate my horses. It has stood an empty shell since then & has been a thorn in both of our sides for differing reasons. It’s a magnificent building measuring 42 by 46 feet & will no doubt bring us much joy once we are able to use it for its intended purpose. It’s getting to that point where we are having the problem.

Being the sort of person to do everything ass backwards the barn was built before the ground was ready & now we need to fill the damn thing with what amounts to a dirt pile the size of a small country. People; there is no such thing as dirt cheap. Dirt is the opposite of cheap. After spending nearly one THOUSAND American dollars I am now the proud owner of a pile of dirt I could have hauled in with a little red wagon.

My Joe, as I mentioned, shares my frustration with the barn finishing. Because of this we have come up with a plan B which includes moving existing dirt from one spot on our nearly 6 acres to another. With the excavating expertise of a long time friend & the rented equipment of a neighbor we will soon be embarking on the second leg of the Great Barn Fiasco. Leg three will consist of stall building (a future post all to it’s own I’m sure), followed by leg four: allowing the horses to use said barn as dining area, bedroom, toilet, chew toy & general target for destruction. At that point I shall be nothing more than an indentured servant to my adoring animals.

I am giddy with anticipation.